I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
