Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
