I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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