Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
