I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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