i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i think i just lost a toe
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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