Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My vagina is officially offended.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
