I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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