i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
