4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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