I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
