i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
