i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
