DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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