he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
last night I used snow as a chaser
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