He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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