she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Can I color on your dick again?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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