My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
