The maid of honor just puked.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
