I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
