thus making me awesome and them whores
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
