And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
