she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
