I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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