true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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