she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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