Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
