does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
