do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
