for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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