You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
