Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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