Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
