What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
