this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
