I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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