i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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