kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
