Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
