All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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