He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize