but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
