I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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