PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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