so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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