Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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