She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
