drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
