no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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