Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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