so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
