the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
