Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
