you traded sex for a burrito?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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