Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
