I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
