btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
