Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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