Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
