So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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