and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
