The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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