even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
