I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
